I don’t know why this is my topic today but, it is.. Maybe it is because 2 days ago I watched the most passionate movie I’ve ever seen in my life. It jumped to my favourite drama/romantic movies I like.
Tres Metros Sobre el Cielo
Anyways, if you know Spanish I highly recommend you to watch it, its called “Tres Metros Sobre El Cielo” (Three Steps Above Heaven). It will boil your blood with its intensity and passion of young people, young Spanish people. And the second part, “Tengo Ganas De Ti” its even better, more mature, more passionate, more real.
Perhaps the fact that I’m a hopeless romantic makes me love these movies beyond reason, but I really hope you can find it online with English subtitles and watch it. Its to die for.
Well, getting back to the subject in matter.. LOVE. shit that is such a strong word for me. To be honest, I think I’ve never said it meaning it romantically. Just to friends and family.
I don’t know if that’s good or bad, you tell me. But for me, in order to say those words, I have to be completely, absolutely sure about my feelings.
Nowadays, people in general, including me (I recognize my truth) are so lost in what it means to love and loved. We get in this shallow shitty “relationships” that keep us wandering in the same shitty cycle we call “being loved”.
Look, I haven’t have many boyfriends, in fact, I’ve just had 1 boyfriend in my 21 years living in this Earth (shocking I know) but its because I can’t be with someone in a serious relationship without being known, I can’t be with a man, if that man doesn’t know me. And that’s where lust and sex come in.
For me, sex is just an animal act, all living things do it, either it is to procreate or not. But what happens with us humans is that we actually KNOW what we are doing (unless you are drunk or high haha in that case you are a plain animal humping) and why.
I can say in my life, I’ve had 3 sexual partners since 18 (you do the super high math, not really) and I don’t feel bad about it. I wanted to do it everytime (animal instinct) even though they weren’t my boyfriends. Shit, if that’s good or bad, I don’t give that much importance to sex than I do for a serious relationship. I’m not proud of what I’m about to say but I’m gonna say it anyway; I find it easier to have sex with someone than to have a relationship. (oh no she didn’t).
My point in all this is that I want a relationship of course, but I don’t want any relationship. I want a passionate relationship, with lots of kisses and laughter (mostly laughter), I want.. I need someone with whom I can be myself more than anything else. I’ve figure this out with some dates I’ve had; the moment I feel like I’m forcing myself to be someone I’m not or if the man doesn’t get my sarcasm or my weirdness I freak out and leave (I think I have a problem). I just know what I don’t want more than what I want, does that makes sense?
Why do people get stuck with someone they don’t feel passionate anymore? habit? fear? See.. that’s the fear I don’t want to feel, I’m terrified.
I think I want someone who would move everything in the world to be with me. I want that kind of love that is so strong and full of passion that I can feel I could conquer the world with that person. That love that I could be so free at the same time, that would push my limits, my boundaries, my everything.
I just remembered a quote that says “Seduce my mind and you can have my body, seduce my soul and I’m yours forever”.
And this is exactly what happens to me, I haven’t found the one that can seduce my soul enough for me to be in a relationship with him. Its easy to find someone to have sex; everybody wants to have sex, but to find love is something else; its the most amazing finding in the world, and that’s what I want.
Why is it so hard? but you know what, I rather by single all this time than to be in a million relationships without feeling a hint of passion and I-would-die-for-you love.
I’m gonna end the post with a “poem” I wrote a while back while frustrated thinking about this exact same issue (it comes into my head from time to time hahaha)
Where could you be?
Have I met you yet
or you remain one of the unknown?
It’s been forever since
I felt something in my guts aching,
aching for love.
It’s been forever since
I kissed someone’s lips
and they kissed me back & meant it.
I love my loneliness
but in days like this,
when the pouring rain
and the thunderstorm fright me,
I wish I have someone
telling me everything’s fine,
that after the rain, always comes the rainbow.
Confidence gets weaker
as the days go by.
Little rush of excitement may come,
but nothing like feeling loved
and give love back.
What keeps me moving on
is that maybe, just maybe
you are asking yourself
the same question,
the same corny question.
So I’m just gonna keep waiting,
waiting for the day you pop into my life,
and give it a surreal twist.
People don’t understand why,
why I don’t have someone.
I say don’t worry, I don’t understand either.
I just know that when it comes
it will be amazing.. surreal.. happy.. passionate.
I’ll open up my arms, heart and soul for that love,
and that it will be
the start of the best chapter in my life.