The Fatality on “wanting” to be Happy

There are times that I’m utterly and completely happy and then the next second my mood goes down a nudge. I think this is pretty standard for everyone or for most women.

But the key of being happy or wanting to be happy is the most fallacious way we can think of because happiness comes bottled in little moments, little smiles, little meals that fill up the happy moment of each day.

Wanting to be happy takes you to anxiety because being all smiley and content all the time is tiring, we need our moments of sadness, solitude, calmness, anger, or our moments of just plain numbness.

I think accepting that you can let yourself feel all these things is the true happiness because if we are afraid to feel any feeling other than contentment we wouldn’t recognize how it is to be a human being that truly lets go and enjoy.

For me, happiness is a meal of fried fish and plantain, the exact moment before it starts raining and the exact moment when it stops, the lullaby of a bird after the rain, the trees swinging its branches with the wind, my mothers’ smile, a kid’s laughter, dancing to whatever, beer with a few friends, getting introduced to people and being able to be myself from the beginning, the embrace of my dad after 8 hours of work, drinking lots of perfectly acclimatized water, being able to fall sleep in the grass of a park and not get bitten by ants, my dog, etc, etc..

These moments make up for the happiness share of my days, and none of them are planned, that’s the beauty of it; to truly feel joy we ought to stop planning on getting happy.

Stop looking for it, it’ll come the moment you start doing the things you love and the moment you let yourself surrender to the beauty of feeling.

R.

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On religion, beliefs, and basically whatever is there

Lately I’ve been followed and asked and encounter and freaking getting into discussions and personal battles about religion and beliefs. Its exhausting and in reality, not as important when you really think about it.

Here is my disclaimer:

  • I believe in free will; believe, do, adore, pray to whatever or whoever you want to, its non of my business and non of your business what everybody else does.
  • Don’t try to impose your beliefs and religion thoughts on people, or me in this case, because, as stated before is non of your business and I think I’m pretty old to do what I want.
  • As much as I like to talk about this topic with people who, somehow, belief the same stuffs as I do; its not recomendable to do it with people who are really passionate about their stuffs, and.. feelings, egos, and new relationships can get hurted. (any kind of relationships)
  • Here is a tough one: Catholiscism, Christianity, believing in Jesus, God, Holy Mary and the other fellas are not the one and only religion or belief to follow in the world. And it doesn’t mean that people who don’t practice it are bad or going to hell inmediately after dead.
  • Yes, there are ridiculous and completely WTF religions like this one..

But hey, who are we to say that there is no Spaguetti Monster somewhere that created the universe? Like I said before, is non of your business or mine.

  • Yes, there are people who are really dangerous when it comes to impose their religion. They kill other people, lie, cheat and basically do almost everything that their religion tells them not to. But, let’s get this straight, its not all of the religious people, there are plenty of good people that practice their stuffs and don’t bother others. Those are good religious people.
  • Like I said before, as much as I like to talk about this subject I also like to joke around but I find it, sometimes, a little rude to make fun of people who are talking about their beliefs. Because as much as we like to be treated as equal and not to joke around with our shit, we ought to do the same thing towards them. But hey if you want to do it, fine, I just find it rude.
  • When we start talking, hanging out and surrounding ourselves with different kind of people with different perspectives we learn to be open minded, we learn to accept and realize that, God or any kind of deity, can all be resumed in something or someone who created us and the universe and that when we die (which is the only certain thing about life) it/he/she will be waiting for us in that special place and will be happy forever or reincarnate in something or, you know, the different types of after-deaths there are in religions.
  • I strongly support Atheism but I’m not an Atheist because sometimes I truly feel something powerful leading, guiding me through paths (good or bad) and teaching me shit; then again, it could be life, fate, coincidence, chance, stomach ache or a gas.. but, its non of your business.

I could go on and on and on about this topic but I would never end. I’m no expert either but I believe in the freedom of choosing or follow anything you want. I deeply believe in tolerance between people, communities, groups, cultures, families or/and any other kind of peoplewise conglomeration. I believe in being a good person rather than just preaching to be a good person because actions speak louder than words. I believe I believe I believe…

R.

 

Speak Up and Rise!

As almost everyone else, I have been trying to update myself on the Turkish situation throughout the web (facebook, twitter, blogs, youtube, etc), since the media has little to no coverage on the uprising events that are happening over there.

I will not try to explain what is going over there because I will never be as familiarized or well-informed enough as a Turkish person who is actually living the events and know what has been going on for a while now.

I’m doing a little help from half way around the world by posting this video I found on youtube explaining quite well the events happening as a write or as you read right now.

The social media (facebook, twitter, blogs, etc, etc) is our tool nowadays to speak up, rise and share when the news and the governments try to silence us in moments of despair. So let’s share, like, reblog, retweet, repost everything that have to be with the riots in Turkey and any other problem happening around the world.

R.

Ode to a Night Time Romance

(4:15 am)

Every night you give me thoughts, but all those thoughts come with a price,

insanity is the price, and I keep trying to figure out whether to embrace it or not.

You take my night dreams and replace with words and creations,

you take my sane behaviour and replace it with odd thoughts and big eyes;

those eyes that you use during the day when my mind is calm but my body is aching.

You just sit back in a corner of my brain and wait for dawn, like a vampire;

you suck my mind’s blood every night and turns me into everything and nothing.

You seduce me as soon as the sunlight burns out

and then I follow and become into anything you want.

You seduce me with your charm and wisdom

and, I can’t help it, I’m in no control and I don’t want to.

I just let myself go, like a mistress, like a muse;

you give me thoughts and I surrender completely and shameless.

Sometimes I want to stop, I want you to stop

but what you give me is so welcoming and seductive,

so beautiful, so me.

I wish I could never end this,

but the jealous sun comes up and the morning talks through the birds’ song.

And then, I face reality

you are not real, not from this world, or any world.

You are me; becoming, creating, crafting, thinking,

being the person I want to be when the light comes up.

You are me and I’m terrified,

the morning light freezes me and then,

all I want it is to be night time

where I can be seduce by my own

lascivious, lustful mind.

R.

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Insomnia, pancakes and snaps

A few weeks ago I told you that my blog was under maintenance; and it was true. But also my life was under maintenance. I decided not to apply to a Master’s Degree just yet because I figure I should get more experience in the work field of the Master I want to apply and also because I didn’t feel prepared to do it.

All these thoughts and decisions came along after a life threatening event that placed me in the hospital for three days. The most innocent type of food tried to kill me: a pancake.

Yes, people, a pancake gave me such a severe and aggressive allergic reaction that my eyes were blown up until I couldn’t see, my throat was also blown up and I couldn’t breathe and well.. basically, scariest shit I’ve ever been through, all because of a pancake.

After this event I was weak for a few days and my always faithful lack of sleep during nights transformed into the most devilish kind of insomnia. 

The difference between my previous lack of sleep and the current insomnia was that; before, if I put myself to sleep, I would sleep right away, but this fucker didn’t let my mind rest and even though I would put myself to sleep, I wouldn’t. One time, I literally was awake for 48 hours, straight. My mind just wouldn’t be still and rest, it had to keep on thinking and creating.

One thing that was good is that when I couldn’t sleep I would write or draw. I was actually creating some art, the most amateur kind of art but a creation nonetheless. So I took advantage of it, made some designs for my tattoo and wrote whatever was on my mind; if anything that was going through it made sense.

As all of these went through I was attending my photography course and now I can finally say that I can defend myself taking pictures in a manual mode! ha!, of course, I’m not gonna start proclaiming myself as a photographer or an artist even, that would be silly.

I think I’m at a point in my life that I’m revealing and figuring out more things about my persona and my interests, and I love it. The pancake threat was like a revelation for my life, it may sound silly but it was, still is. It made me realize that even the smallest, most innocent thing can kill you, I guess.

So, after these series of events, my blog needed to be renewed too, because my blog is me at the end of the day. Now you will expect more art, more world art, more photography and even more poems or whatever the hell it is I write. More thoughts, probably.

Of course, I don’t wanna make the blog like a journal but it will be slightly more personal, in some sort of way. I think it needs to be like that in order to be renewed.

I hope you stick around and the blog can get 100 followers. I don’t wanna be fetching followers all over the web so if it happens, it happens. But one thing I learn this past few months is the more real and yourself you are, people will like you more and accept it.

And remember people, even a pancake can kill you, live your life

R.

PS. sorry to all the pancake lovers out there but, I ain’t messing around with those bastards anymore 😉 oh and btw, how you like the new layout? yay or nay?